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Cold Wave (an autoboobgraphy with lasers)



This game was made for the « Boob Jam », read here what it is all about.

Our submission is an anti-3rd person shooter, as you must avoid shooting people with your laser-boobs. Also it’s something of a personal autobiography about having boobs.

You can play the game here.


We weren’t able to add some subtitles, so here’s the script:

When I was, maybe, 14, I was walking along the street, it was a little cold, and I guess my nipples were a little pointy. And that guy asked me if I wanted to have a cup of coffee with him. I politely declined with a smile… and then he saw my braces. Ha-ha! He barely said goodbye. Sucker.
Can you imagine if there were braces for boobs? A metallic contraption that would pull on your boobs all day to make them grow bigger or higher? Teenage girls walking around with exoskeletons under their shirts.


I remember my first bra. It was white with little green flowers, like Scarlett O’Hara’s picnic dress. I was so proud I told everybody about it. My grandpa wrote me back “That’s cool but what on Earth do you put in this bra? Socks?” I didn’t understand what he meant. But my little sister, actually, she used to put socks in her pants, because she wanted a nice bulge, like boys have. She found that pretty. I never put socks in my bra. Scarlett O’Hara wouldn’t do that.


When my boobs first started to grow, it was really painful. At the time I was so shy that I used to sleep with my back turned to the world, my face in the pillow. But I couldn’t lie on my boobs anymore, it was hurting so much! I was desperate. I thought I wouldn’t ever sleep again in my entire life. I thought I’d be forced to lie on my back and that whatever was hiding in the dark would devour me, starting with those stupid boobs.


When I was in junior high, there was this boy who would always pinch my boobs whenever he passed by me. I was so scared I’d never say anything, just blush and try not to cry. But one day I decided I had enough and I clumsily slapped him back. Everyone around laughed. He was so surprised that he asked me out. Asshole.


When I was a kid my mother took me to a joke shop and said I could pick one thing for my birthday. I went to the disguise department and chose a pair of fake plastic boobs. My hippie Mom said it was ok to be curious about boobs at my age… and she bought them. Thinking about it, maybe this was one of the reasons my friends’ mothers stopped them from playing with me.


As a teenager I still had quite small boobs, so I didn’t bother to wear a bra anymore. But there was a trend among boys where they used to try and grab a girl’s bra in their back and make it slap. And of course if a girl didn’t wear any bra they would tell everybody. So in the school cafeteria I would always sit with my back to the wall, like a cowboy in a saloon.


One day in high school I was wearing a large white shirt, musketeer-style. Apparently you could peek between the buttons because one of my friends wrote me a love poem about the nipple he had glanced at. He wrote me a fucking poem. Because he had seen my nipple. Seriously. I think that’s the day I started to wear a bra every day.


It took time before my boobs became boob-shaped. At first they didn’t have much weight and they looked like weird pointed hats. I remember a sleepover with my friends, we were maybe thirteen. In the middle of the night we were playing an invented game, a mix of strip-poker and “Truth or Dare”. Our favourite “Dare” was “Show your boobs for one second”. Hey, what better way to check you’re normal compared to your classmates! Pointed hats everywhere.


It’s funny how pointy boobs were in fashion in the 50s. The bras really shaped them like cones. Nowadays, your boobs need to be round like balls, without visible nipples.
Your underwear really shapes your boobs. I wonder what shape will be fashion in the future, when robots rule the world. Square boobs maybe?
Well, growing some boobs is not simple. You have to get used to them. Anyway one thing I’d really love to have in the future is laser boobs. Shooting at things and people with your boobs. Aiming with your nipples. That would be pretty cool.